Bedtime nightmares

I’m currently trying to get Thea to sleep. It’s a painful process!

I’m camped outside her door while she grizzles in her cot. When she works herself up to a full on wail I go in and try a settling technique… It’s not going well… I’ll blog live from the front line as much as I can.

She woke at 1700 had 20mins on the boob and then had her bath. She loved it! Smiling at me. Being all cute and looking all lady of luxury while Mozart played in the background. I got her out, gave her a baby massage and put her into a babygro to signal bedtime.

1800 removed Thea from the boob after half an hour, swaddled her and put her in the cot. She’s alert but calm. I put a lullaby on, close the curtains and leave the room. She starts to grizzle…

1810 still grizzling – nothing major. I remain cross-legged outside get door

1815 major wailing commences. I can hear that her heart isn’t really in it but she’s got up to a fair volume so I go in.

Instant the door opens she goes quiet. I stroke her belly, shhhhhh in her ear and she stares at me with her wide open eyes and looks cross but remains quiet. After two or three minutes I leave again.

1821 the grizzling restarts. This time it’s only six minutes before she gets a proper wail on.

1827 again she’s instantly calm when I go in. I try stroking her head but she’s not into it and grizzling recompenses. I go back to tummy rubbing she’s not having that either. I loosen her swaddle and she gets mire agitated. But in between whimpers she smiles at me. Heartbreaker!

1829 I pick her up and burp her. She stops the whimpering but doesn’t burp.

1830 I swaddle her again and try one more burping technique sitting her on my lap holding her head – she burps.

1335 I put her back down. She stares at me. I creep out.

1335 the minute I close the door she starts crying again. This time she’s gone directly for amped up crying but not a full on wail. I can hear in her voice that she’s not really serious! I remain outside the door…

1338 the crying stops.

I daren’t breath!!

1339 it starts again. She’s still not fully committed to this evening terrorism. I can hear it.

1342 the crying stops! After a minute I allow myself to hope.


1845 grizzling starts again.

1846 Sounds frustrated rather than upset. She’s still just crying to make noise – this isn’t the full on major wail she uses when she’s serious about her intentions…

1847 She’s phasing in and out of crying and grizzling and shouting. I think she’s struggling against the swaddle.

1848 all is quiet again… Downstairs I can hear Irene in Home & Away.

1849 Thea starts making little chatty mewing sounds

1850 There’s half-hearted very brief cries in between the cute mewing and grunts. Come on Thea give in!!!

1851 She tries a few longer cries for good measure but mostly it’s just little whimpering… Feel awful about listening to her cry, I hate it.

1852 It goes quiet then suddenly she ramps it up! I go in again…

1852 tummy rub does nothing this time she continues to moan at me via the medium of frustrated little cries.

1853 I pick her up, she utters one cry of protest then flops her head back onto my shoulder. Completely calm, starring into space.

1856 I hear Chuck arrive home so risk putting her down. Unfortunately she instantly starts to whinge and he come bounding into the room to sweep her back up again

1857 I put all the blackout blinds back up – we have those stick on ones and they’d come loose and were letting in a light. Chuck calms Thea and suggests we take her downstairs. I’m the tyrant and insist we persevere – Thea is calm in Chuck’s arms.

1904 Chucks puts her down and we leave the room. It’s now completely dark.

1905 Thea makes a new assault with renewed vigor.

1906 I go back in…

I have to pick up straight away to get her calm. I put her on my chest and pat her back while rocking back and forth. She goes silent.

After a little while she possets on me. Then goes silent again. I carry on my calming techniques and then risk stopping the rocking.

Thea let’s out a warning whimper!

I rock again.

Eventually I think i’ve got her calm. By now my eyes are accustomed and I realise it’s still not dark enough. We’re gonna have to buy real black out blinds.

I risk putting her down again. I’ve been rumbled! She starts whimpering but I attempt an exit anyway.

1917 she starts wailing again. Massively loud but not continuous. Only punctuated by a minute of whimpers then back to wailing… I can hear her getting more frustrated by this rather than more defeated…

I’m gonna take her downstairs in a minute… Reset.

1922 Thea goes mental!

1923 I put Thea on the changing table in the bathroom and change her nappy. It’s just a bit wet. I decide to put her in Pampers. She’s not had a pop today so she’s probably got something quite spectacular brewing and I’m not sure the cloth nappy will cope…

She’s calm but chattering. She let’s out a huge smelly fart of protest and goes back to calmly waving her little arms and legs about.

I decide to have a quick wee while she’s distracted. Downstairs Chuck is crashing about in the kitchen…

I won’t take her to the living room – she’s going back in the bed!

1931 time to try putting her back to bed… Unfortunately she is quite animated on her changing mat. Happy but animated – doesn’t look AT ALL sleepy. On the plus side she’s making the cutesy sounds.

1932 reswaddled I put her into her cot in the dark to an immediate symphony of crying (harmonising with next doors baby).

I put her on our bed unswaddled. More wailing!

1936 I put her on my chest and lay back against the pillows. She whimpers but calms down and instead starts grunting.

1938 Thea begins a grunting, whimpering, wriggling excavation mission towards my breasts! She fed at 5pm and 6pm so she is not hungry!!

Boobs start to do the weird achey thing!

1942 I take evasive action. Spent yesterday night cluster (or rather perma-) feeding Thea for almost two hours straight last night and I don’t fancy a repeat performance!

She’s returned to the bathroom where she lies quietly and serenely on the changing mat on the floor occasionally waving a little fist or a foot nut otherwise seemingly absorbed in studying the grouting.

I sit silently on the loo seat out of eye range wondering what to try next…

1945 fist waving has become a bit more excited and Thea let’s out a cute sigh. Melt! Must remain strong and not interact!!!

Chuck calls up to see when I want dinner. I snap that he should just make it and I’ll eat when I can. I am very bad tempered when trying to deal with bedtime.

1947 Thea appears to be getting upset with the changing mat. More fist pumping and incoherent babbling than an episode of Jersey Shore – she’ll
Probably vomit in a minute, then it’ll be just like Jersey Shore. Just like Snooki she’s only happy when she’s got her frou out!

1950 I decide to try putting Thea back in the cot with the lights on. Maybe she’s afraid of the dark?

She let’s out two “shouts” of protest but doesn’t appear too distraught.

1951 I go downstairs to check on Chuck. Thea is whimpering with intent…

1953 Dinner is not being dealt with… Chuck is larding on the sofa watching Manga on his laptop with the tv flickering away on mute.

We have a fight after he tries to hug me and tells me to calm down. I flip out.

1954 I retrieve an apocalyptic Thea and she goes quiet. She’s calmly arched her back so the world appears upside down while I carry her to the kitchen and apologise for the rage.

2000 I decide to take Thea out in the pram. She goes mental as I swaddle her in a fleece and put her in the snug.

Fortunately she’s totally calm once we get going.

2007 wind catches the hood and briefly reveals a calm but still totally awake Thea. I decide to do another lap…

2012 have passed two other houses with screaming babies. Feel slightly better. All is still silent under the hood. I daren’t look…

2015 passed an old, beaten up, Peugeot 205 with an X- lock on the steering wheel… It even has a missing hub cap. No one would bother nicking it. Seems like security overkill. Anyway, I digress…

2018 arrive home. Risk a peek and Thea is asleep!!!! Now to get her back in the house.

2021 got her in and parked in the dining room with the door closed. Don’t fancy risking transferring her to bed.

Chuck is having a beer on the sofa with his manga, an empty dinner plate.

2023 Thea wake up and starts crying just as my dinner pings ready!

2024 Told Chuck it was his turn to take her round the block. He went upstairs to get a t-shirt, have a wee and for some general fannying about (he didnt really fanny about it just felt like that while Thea was getting her wail on). He asked if he needed to take her changing bag!

2027 Chuck and Thea leave for a trot round the block

2030 Chuck calls. I miss it cause I’m cleaning the kitchen while stuffing cold pizza in my gob.

2033 I call Chuck back. He’s suggesting I make up the water for her bottle – I’m way ahead of him. I decide to join them on the neighbourhood tour.

2049 Thea is still awake

2159 We get Thea through the front door just as she has another meltdown.
I frantically make the bottle while Chuck tries to calm her

2112 we give in and give her 150ml of formula. Chuck feeds her.

2130 someone calls Chuck and he gives Thea to me to continue the feed. She promptly let’s milk dribble out of her mouth all over the sofa cushion. Can’t find the muslin so I clean it up with my cardigan.

2142 Chuck returns with the missing muzzie draped over his shoulder.

Thea has had 80ml and seems pretty chilled but still not remotely tired. Shit.

2209 Thea’s being burped by a strange massage technique Chuck is employing which involves her lying on a sofa cushion on his lap while he drums on her back lightly with both palms. Her eyes close and then ping open and remain alert.

2211 I’m gonna pump.

2218 BREAKING NEWS Chuck has just carried Thea upstairs still face down on the sofa cushion. She seemed calm but not asleep.

2019 heard a distinct cry of protest over the relentless chug of the pump! Now all is quiet again.

2221 Chuck returns to the living room. All is quiet but the light is flashing on the monitor so there’s grizzling going on.

2223 full crying starts. With a muttering of some expletive or other Chuck goes back upstairs. I stop pumping after 90ml… May need the ammunition. She’s only had 90ml of formula after all.

At this point live blogging will end.

I’m knackered! Will let you know how things played out tomorrow.

2226 still no sign of Chuck. I’ve just heard the lullaby start up over the monitor. I’m turning in. Wish me luck!

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