The first weeks have gone by so quickly! The overwhelming sensation of being a new mum is emotion. There’s tidal waves of emotion that hit you – it’s like a tsunami of emotion!
I cry at everything! I worry Thea will just stop breathing for no reason or that Chuck will be hit by a bus or that I might get some awful illness and not be able to take care of her. It’s horrific how many worse case scenarios I’ve cooked up in my head. Sometimes I sneak into our room to check on her while she’s sleeping to check she’s still alive because she’s so quiet!!!
It’s torturous to love something this much and be so paranoid!
And then there’s everything else to cry about. Accidentally leaving the milk out of the fridge. How much it hurts when I wee. The nasty uterus contractions that feel like really bad period pain. The extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeme tiredness turns you into a weepy!
The Oxam and Save the Children adverts are the worst though! I cannot cope seeing children suffer anymore. I am a weeping mess after each one. Sod £2 a month! They make me want to dedicate my life to stopping the hunger. I can’t imagine how those mother’s do it… sh*t, crying again!!! It’s awful. You don’t realise until you’re a mum!
Aside from the melt-downs (aka Baby Blues) which seem to hit me every other day and are especially prolific if I haven’t slept well (thanks Thea), it’s been wonderful. It’s so great to have our little family together. Chuck has ADORED paternity leave and proclaimed that he was quitting his job and we’d have to go live in the woods just so he never has to leave Thea. Bless him.
We’ve got frustrated with each other and had a few heated “discussions” too. Again it’s the tiredness. It’s turned me into even more of a crazy megalomaniac than I was already: I simply need to be obeyed without hesitation. When I’m feeding Thea and I say I need a glass of water, I mean right now and not when the next act on America’s Got Talent has finished!!
Obviously (and quite rightly) my every whim does not get obeyed instantaneously and though this generally causes a mini-meltdown (“you don’t *sniff” care *sniff” about meeeee” Waaaaaaaaaaaa) it’s all good and after we had a frank chat about not using the frustrated, angry tone when we know it’s just the tiredness talking, everything was amazing again.
Communication is the key! Except with Thea… Mummy Milk is the key to keeping her happy.
Today Chuck went back to work and I was dreading being on my own. Fortunately my mum came up and took care of us today so I still haven’t been “all by myseeeeeellllllffff” (Celine Dion style). Got that joy to look forward to tomorrow.
I love my mum and now I have Thea, and I know how much I love her, I realise how much my mum must love me. Ahhhh THANKS MUM!!!!