I’m just beginning to come to terms with what it feels like to find out you’re pregnant.
Apologies. All I’ve written about lately is the pregnancy – or at least the possibility of pregnancy. Now that I know I am certainly pregnant, I feel weird.
I thought I’d be all ecstatic and over the moon. I thought I’d “know” I was pregnant. Instead I feel surreal, I haven’t quite taken it in. I almost don’t trust it to stay put. I feel very strange, like it’s not really happening to me. I’m scared and apprehensive about every minor twinge and ache or teeny tiny “could that be classed as a pain?” pain.
It’s a really odd sensation to have no idea what to expect and to have no control over what your body is doing. Morning sickness doesn’t go away like food poisoning sickness either. It stays put all the time. It sucks – although today it isn’t as bad as yesterday.
Being stuck in limbo awaiting your first scan is pretty rubbish too. I’m going to make a booking appointment for when I’m 10 weeks pregnant I think. Given that I’m experiencing very early onset of nausea, fatigue and mild cramps it’s probably best I do these things as soon as I can.
I’ve been tortuting myself with thoughts of ectopic pregnancy. This is where the fertalised egg never reaches the womb and instead implants in the fallopian tube. If this happens it has to be caught early because it can burst the tube and in the worst cases kill the mother.
Babies can’t survive in an ectopic pregnancy and the mother will be lucky not to lose the fallopian tube affected which can then make it harder to get pregnant again.
A friend of mine recently lost both ovaries thanks to an NHS mix up. They didn’t diagnose her ectopic pregnancy in time, despite her repeated visits to her GP, and found the other ovary corrupted when they went in to cut the affected one out. She’s only 25! Can you imagine.
It’s rare but these things happen. I’ve got every single finger and toe crossed that it won’t happen to me.
1-3 pregnancies end in miscarriage
Yesterday the doctor also told me 1 in 3 pregnancies terminate before reaching the 3-month mark. It’s so common. And there’s literally nothing you can do. If it ends it’s because the little ball of cells which could become your baby isn’t quite perfect. All that eating right, living right – it’s all to help them develop well, but if they’re not perfect to begin with your body will usually get rid of them no matter what you do.
Still there is no reason for all this pessimism. Millions of women give birth to healthy babies all over the world every day and some of them have no food, and the worst water, and no sanitation, some of them are crack addicts or the victims of abuse, some women smoke and drink all the way through and still carry their kiddies to term. If they can do it there is no reason to suspect that I can’t.
I’m gonna have a nap and then go on a spree to buy a whole load of organic veg and meat. I’ve got to start eating even healthier so expect new recipes soon. See I do think about things other than being pregnant sometimes, honestly!